Tag: strength

The Turning Point

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It has been 104 days since I took my starting photo as I began my workout journey. I can’t be sure of when my diet changes preceded it to be honest, but I can guess that it was about 2-3 weeks before that photo. I am still going strong. It’s strange to think about the number of times over the past couple of years that I promised myself that I was going to make changes– I was going to start prioritizing myself– and I failed every single time. What changed? When I look back over it all, it’s not what happened to me but what happened to him.

Ever since I picked this blog back up, I have struggled with what all to share here as I have navigated some significant personal challenges. Back in 2022, I went through a health journey that lingers with me today but in a way that I have learned to manage. The biggest change coming out of that is one in which I found myself in a place mentally where I had not been for some time in my life. I was frustrated with our medical system, with lack of care, little answers, and the expense of it all. Not to mention the ways in which it impacted my life for some time. In short, I became ungrateful and a little bit angry. I could no longer see some of the beauty around me.

Back in December, my little brother went through a psychotic break and in some strange way, I found that instead of dragging me further down, it somehow managed to wake me up. What was I doing? Why was I hiding from the life around me? I had no excuse. The tools were in my hands. I had all of these things that I could only dream about ten years ago, all that I hoped and dreamed about, and yet I was as unhappy as I had ever been. I was so far down in the mud; I had no idea how to claw back out. And as I watched my little brother’s life implode, I chose to save myself.

It hasn’t gotten easier. He is now out on the streets as he has chosen to do. I have worried and researched, googled, looked at all of the updates in the courts, jail roster, google, etc. I still do this every day. Where is he? I don’t know.. and I live with that every day. But, I live. I am so grateful for this life, our home, my son, and the support system that I have created around me over the past 18 years.

I have this one body and mind to take care of as I navigate more of what life throws my way. I think about the years ahead in my marriage. This year, we will celebrate 7 years of marriage and 10 years together. Our son will start school later this year. Our dogs are both 11 years old and we will have to go through their passing at some point and explain this to our son. My husband’s grandparents are getting older, and my own father is now 71. The economic climate is challenging and who knows if we will deal with job loss between the two of us at some point. We will face these things ahead and I hope to continue to head towards a stronger version of myself as we push through.

If I have learned anything, it’s that I can’t hide away. It feels awful and lonely and it’s not how I want my son to view the approach. More than anything though, I found that I needed to make changes and recenter myself not for him but for me. Growing up, I could never understand why my mom chose a drink over me every single day and I verbally asked her on multiple occasions to choose me. She never could and I now understand that what she needed to do was choose herself before she could even begin to choose me. And.. I do choose me. I choose this life. I choose to face it head on with a mind and body that is getting stronger every day. All I needed to do, was wake up.

Progress

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The past few years, I really put myself on the back burner and I was feeling it— sleeping horribly, no energy, not caring about what nutrients I put into my body, drinking more alcoholic beverages than I should, sick a lot, etc. etc. I decided to finally do something about it at the start of December. I first started working out a couple of days a week at the start of that month. After the holidays, I attacked my diet which meant upping my protein by A LOT. My workouts became a regular 4-5 days a week with 20 minutes of cardio and 40 minutes of lifting— focus on strength: a flip from how I used to pursue fitness in the past.

The main pic below is a progression from end of December (already a month into working out), to end of Jan, to just this morning. Weight lost from my core, starting to tone things up and feeling great! The thing I most want to share is that I haven’t joined some expensive group or program to accomplish it. Just working out at home, logging my macros with a free app BEFORE I eat to make adjustments if I’m not hitting what I need, and protein powder in my cold brew coffee— nothing fancy, bought at Walmart. Any other protein I get is through the food I’m consuming which is how I prefer to get it. I’m eating a lot of great stuff too!

My goal at the start of December was to feel a lot better by our family trip in late April to Colorado for the first time since my husband and I eloped there. I felt that setting something 6 months out would help make it a lifestyle change vs a quick sudden one that wouldn’t stick. I’m psyched that I still have 2.5 months to build muscle and strength and feel that much better!

One Thing At a Time

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I take two baths a week— Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon. This image somehow feels counterintuitive when I look at it.. energy along with my relaxation. This used to be a White Claw and I’m good with my replacement.

As I look at my day, the reliance on caffeine is still there. It was long before my son but became more prevalent certainly after him. It’s something I’d like to tackle but if there is one thing I’ve learned as I get older it’s this— one thing at a time. As I’ve been sharing here lately, I’ve been working hard on my daily diet and exercise. This one might topple me over the edge. As we do the work, each new habit takes something of ourselves to achieve— to make into a way of life and not just a passing attempt. These things don’t just happen overnight as I feel like they once did in my 20’s when I might change a habit at the mere thought of a single positive. There is no one particular way. No definitive path. It’s different for each of us. The important thing is that we’re working towards something that betters ourselves.

The Most Important Thing

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I took this image a little over a month ago of my breakfast, feeling pretty good about my veggies and cold brew. Not a lot of calories right there– eating healthy! I’ve spent the past couple of months working on my health. Working out is something that used to be very important to me but when my son came along in 2020, I just didn’t find the time. The last thing I wanted to do was get up earlier than 4am to make it happen before work or hop on the elliptical as soon as I got home and was already concerning myself with what was for dinner and how we were going to go about the bedtime routine that night.

Flash forward a few years and I was struggling! Not so much in the way of weight– yes a little extra around the middle but I am 37, have given birth, and my body is not the same as when I was 27. Mostly, I was feeling tired all the time, sleeping terribly, and getting sick A LOT (partly can’t be helped when you have a little one in daycare). So, I started working out about 10 weeks ago.. a little at a time with cardio first, followed by weightlifting built in more and more each week. My work outs are now flipped from 10 years ago with cardio making up about 1/3rd of it and the rest strength training.

Next came my diet. Breakfast is what you see above when I initially started working out but if I am going to build muscle, this won’t work. I wasn’t getting much out of it. I have now turned my focus to proteins and building those in where I can. The cold brew now contains protein (it was initially difficult for me to wrap my brain around adding calories to my coffee). I now put together a breakfast bowl of a cup of hashbrowns, an egg, and something lean like venison to create a balance of protein, carbs, and healthy fats. I have been also trying a lot of new recipes and foods for lunch and dinner and will likely share some here as I continue my journey.

I think what I am really hoping to articulate is that I have not done anything super special. I have not joined any groups, hired a personal trainer, bought expensive special supplements aside from my protein powder (not expensive – from Walmart) and making sure I take daily vitamins. I have not gone all in from day #1 as I used to be able to do in the past when I was in my 20’s and I had more time (and energy) to just focus on myself. I have eased into a new way of going about my day and it is becoming my new normal.

Most important of all, I am doing this for me. Yes, I love watching as my 4.5-year-old son comes to hang out with me and “work out” alongside me. He is my biggest cheerleader and I hope he is viewing how important it is that we take care of the body that we have. I love sitting with him in the quiet of our living room on Saturday morning– me with my protein coffee and he with his “coffee” (actually milk) in his little yellow mug– just the two of us, chatting about the start of our day. I love all of that but at the end of the day, through some of these moments in life, I have found the hardest person for me to love has been me and yet, it’s one of the most important things I can do.

A note from one woman to another..

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I was reading an article about women yesterday and ran across a comment left by a woman below the article:

“As a woman you are lucky to have one TRUE friend in your lifetime. Women are just brutal towards one another.”

It struck me, hard, as I thought about my own difficulties in highschool and fitting in. I was the nerd in highschool, the bookworm, the one who spent my free time singing in multiple choirs and attending Spanish club. I struggled to relate with a lot of the girls around me at my highschool.. some of it due to our differences and some of it most likely related to the fact that I’d grown up with three bothers and a not a sister in sight. I was the girl wearing her brother’s hand-me-down Batman Forever shorts who hadn’t brushed her hair in over three weeks. I was that girl and I didn’t care if anyone else liked it. I barely even noticed.

Fast forward to my young adulthood—as my circle of friends changed and expanded, I came across an ugly reality—women can be deeply hurtful to each other and very cutting. As I moved through the dating realm, I discovered that men rarely made me feel ugly or insecure about my body but there were many women who did. What was even more surprising was that many of these women were of the age where they could be my mother. Why did they think this was okay?

Some women seem to fall into the belief that when they make these remarks, they are simply being “helpful” or maybe playing the part of the concerned mother figure. As far as young women my age go, insecurities seem to play out more quietly. There may be whispers among friends or comments that have a deeper more cutting meaning that you almost have to look for to find it.

It all comes down to this—the circle of friends you choose to place around yourself. Male or female, negativity and an ugly spirit can be found in anyone so you must then choose to remove yourself from that kind of energy.

I have been blessed to find a few amazing women in life. As a woman whose mother has not been a part of her life for many years, it has truly been a beautiful feeling to find further empowerment through some truly awesome ladies. I have learned to be discerning in my friendships when it comes to my close circle. I have chosen them in life and they have chosen me and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am also blessed to know some pretty amazing men and lucky enough to be spending time with one of them this weekend. My dad.

Project a little sunlight into the life of someone else around you today– you may never know who badly needs it. Have a beautiful weekend, everyone ❤