38th birthday in August is coming for me.. bring it on!
Highlights 🖤
Tag: Inspiration
Anyway
Time to Recharge
I took some time to pause with family for a few days and we took our first flight as a family to Colorado for a couple of relaxing days in the mountains followed by a fun supercross event in Denver! The weather was all sorts of all over with temps in the 30’s at times and highs in Denver near 80. It was truly tough to pack for this trip, but it was amazing.
I was a bit terrified of getting around airports with a 4-year-old but watching his excitement during that first ascent into the sky was well worth any difficulty. I took my first flight well into my 20’s so this was truly special to see him get this chance at such a young age– to be able to comfortably provide and afford these opportunities. I don’t take them for granted.
We took a 4-mile hike as a family and did a lot of walking around in general. It’s one of the things I love about CO and in particular, something I found amazing now during this healthier moment that I am having in life. Coffee on the deck was spectacular when it wasn’t too cold! There was a dusting of snow each morning but our final one there was just beautiful, so we ate breakfast outside.
The trip back was tough because I think we all wished we had a bit more time but coming home is always bittersweet and we missed our fur– and feather– kiddos when we were away. Travel back went very smoothly and we didn’t lose Marty along the way (our son’s favorite stuffy). Our son is already asking when we will go back. We will get there some day but for now, will hold onto some pretty amazing memories created there.
The Turning Point
It has been 104 days since I took my starting photo as I began my workout journey. I can’t be sure of when my diet changes preceded it to be honest, but I can guess that it was about 2-3 weeks before that photo. I am still going strong. It’s strange to think about the number of times over the past couple of years that I promised myself that I was going to make changes– I was going to start prioritizing myself– and I failed every single time. What changed? When I look back over it all, it’s not what happened to me but what happened to him.
Ever since I picked this blog back up, I have struggled with what all to share here as I have navigated some significant personal challenges. Back in 2022, I went through a health journey that lingers with me today but in a way that I have learned to manage. The biggest change coming out of that is one in which I found myself in a place mentally where I had not been for some time in my life. I was frustrated with our medical system, with lack of care, little answers, and the expense of it all. Not to mention the ways in which it impacted my life for some time. In short, I became ungrateful and a little bit angry. I could no longer see some of the beauty around me.
Back in December, my little brother went through a psychotic break and in some strange way, I found that instead of dragging me further down, it somehow managed to wake me up. What was I doing? Why was I hiding from the life around me? I had no excuse. The tools were in my hands. I had all of these things that I could only dream about ten years ago, all that I hoped and dreamed about, and yet I was as unhappy as I had ever been. I was so far down in the mud; I had no idea how to claw back out. And as I watched my little brother’s life implode, I chose to save myself.
It hasn’t gotten easier. He is now out on the streets as he has chosen to do. I have worried and researched, googled, looked at all of the updates in the courts, jail roster, google, etc. I still do this every day. Where is he? I don’t know.. and I live with that every day. But, I live. I am so grateful for this life, our home, my son, and the support system that I have created around me over the past 18 years.
I have this one body and mind to take care of as I navigate more of what life throws my way. I think about the years ahead in my marriage. This year, we will celebrate 7 years of marriage and 10 years together. Our son will start school later this year. Our dogs are both 11 years old and we will have to go through their passing at some point and explain this to our son. My husband’s grandparents are getting older, and my own father is now 71. The economic climate is challenging and who knows if we will deal with job loss between the two of us at some point. We will face these things ahead and I hope to continue to head towards a stronger version of myself as we push through.
If I have learned anything, it’s that I can’t hide away. It feels awful and lonely and it’s not how I want my son to view the approach. More than anything though, I found that I needed to make changes and recenter myself not for him but for me. Growing up, I could never understand why my mom chose a drink over me every single day and I verbally asked her on multiple occasions to choose me. She never could and I now understand that what she needed to do was choose herself before she could even begin to choose me. And.. I do choose me. I choose this life. I choose to face it head on with a mind and body that is getting stronger every day. All I needed to do, was wake up.
BBQ Flat Bread/ Breakfast Ideas
BBQ Flatbread:
- 1/2 Lavish Bread
- 4oz Cooked Chicken Breast (shredded)
- 1/2 cup G Hughes’ Smokehouse Sugar-Free BBQ Sauce – Original
- 1 Cup Mushrooms
- 1/4 Cup Onions
- Handful jalapenos
- 1/4 Cup
Low Broil crust for a few minutes. Spread 1/4 cup bbq sauce on crust. Mix the rest of bbq sauce in with chicken breast, mushrooms, onions, and jalapeno. Spread out on top of crust. Sprinkle cheese down over. Broil until cheese is melted.
Breakfast Today:
- 1 Slice Venison Bacon
- 4 Tbs Egg Whites, mixed in light mushrooms and onions
- 1 Slice of Bettergoods Keto Friendly Honey Wheat Sandwich Bread made into French toast with 2 tbs egg white, 1/2 packet Splenda, cinnamon
- Small amount of SF syrup
Brunch Break Snack:
- 1/2 Cup Vanilla SF Greek Yogurt
- 1/2 Single Serve SF Chocolate Pudding
- Lightly Salted Rice Cake
- 1/3 Cup Strawberries
The List
I used to start out a new year by looking at the prior year’s bucket list, crossing things off and adding new ideas. It has probably been over a decade now since I’ve given this activity a shot and I find myself itching to make some changes or try something new– more than ever before.
I started my latest list yesterday and it’s interesting to find myself jotting down some things that I know were on my list all those years ago. It’s likely that I have also crossed a whole bunch of things off but I have so far unfortunately been unable to track down what would have been my most recent one given the demise of Facebook notes. So here I am, starting new.
This all started early this week when I found myself contemplating ideas for entirely new hobbies that I could potentially try out. To be honest, this is a drive that I have not felt in years. Am I going through a crisis? This is something that I began to wonder as I was writing down ideas such as– learning to play guitar (used to be on the old bucket list).. or maybe piano since our son is asking for a keyboard. The last time I felt this way was at 25 when I looked around and realized I was not even close to where I wanted to be in life when it came to work, home, my personal life– all of it. I will turn 38 later this year and I can at least say that my view is much different now. I am exactly where I want and need to be in work and at home. I have my own little family and a very good life where we are comfortable, and I have more of the means to actually try new things.
When I looked ahead at my ideas (some of them grand) all of those years ago, I felt uncertainty and unsure of how to get there. Today, I feel excitement and okay that some of these goals are within view while others may be far up ahead just yet. A few of these can and will be crossed off this year and I can’t wait to dive in!
The less I understand her..
The more time that I give to my son, the less I understand her. I just saw a video on this topic but in the opposite breadth– understanding a mother’s love as you yourself become one. My mom was so often annoyed by hugs, wouldn’t keep me home with her even on the one occasion that I cried for it (she was stay at home but we went to the babysitter every day while my dad worked), and used being her daughter- or rather not getting to be her daughter– as a form of punishment. It’s kind of crazy to think about now, as I continue this dive into what it is now to be a mother to my own son. I’m actually blown away by how quicky those memories and normalcies for me at that time all feel so foreign and unbelievable now. There is no stronger, no bigger, no more beautiful a love and I am embracing it with everything I have until that inevitable day when I am no longer the coolest and bestest in his world. He will always be in mine.
Progress
The past few years, I really put myself on the back burner and I was feeling it— sleeping horribly, no energy, not caring about what nutrients I put into my body, drinking more alcoholic beverages than I should, sick a lot, etc. etc. I decided to finally do something about it at the start of December. I first started working out a couple of days a week at the start of that month. After the holidays, I attacked my diet which meant upping my protein by A LOT. My workouts became a regular 4-5 days a week with 20 minutes of cardio and 40 minutes of lifting— focus on strength: a flip from how I used to pursue fitness in the past.
The main pic below is a progression from end of December (already a month into working out), to end of Jan, to just this morning. Weight lost from my core, starting to tone things up and feeling great! The thing I most want to share is that I haven’t joined some expensive group or program to accomplish it. Just working out at home, logging my macros with a free app BEFORE I eat to make adjustments if I’m not hitting what I need, and protein powder in my cold brew coffee— nothing fancy, bought at Walmart. Any other protein I get is through the food I’m consuming which is how I prefer to get it. I’m eating a lot of great stuff too!
My goal at the start of December was to feel a lot better by our family trip in late April to Colorado for the first time since my husband and I eloped there. I felt that setting something 6 months out would help make it a lifestyle change vs a quick sudden one that wouldn’t stick. I’m psyched that I still have 2.5 months to build muscle and strength and feel that much better!
One Thing At a Time
I take two baths a week— Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon. This image somehow feels counterintuitive when I look at it.. energy along with my relaxation. This used to be a White Claw and I’m good with my replacement.
As I look at my day, the reliance on caffeine is still there. It was long before my son but became more prevalent certainly after him. It’s something I’d like to tackle but if there is one thing I’ve learned as I get older it’s this— one thing at a time. As I’ve been sharing here lately, I’ve been working hard on my daily diet and exercise. This one might topple me over the edge. As we do the work, each new habit takes something of ourselves to achieve— to make into a way of life and not just a passing attempt. These things don’t just happen overnight as I feel like they once did in my 20’s when I might change a habit at the mere thought of a single positive. There is no one particular way. No definitive path. It’s different for each of us. The important thing is that we’re working towards something that betters ourselves.
The Most Important Thing
I took this image a little over a month ago of my breakfast, feeling pretty good about my veggies and cold brew. Not a lot of calories right there– eating healthy! I’ve spent the past couple of months working on my health. Working out is something that used to be very important to me but when my son came along in 2020, I just didn’t find the time. The last thing I wanted to do was get up earlier than 4am to make it happen before work or hop on the elliptical as soon as I got home and was already concerning myself with what was for dinner and how we were going to go about the bedtime routine that night.
Flash forward a few years and I was struggling! Not so much in the way of weight– yes a little extra around the middle but I am 37, have given birth, and my body is not the same as when I was 27. Mostly, I was feeling tired all the time, sleeping terribly, and getting sick A LOT (partly can’t be helped when you have a little one in daycare). So, I started working out about 10 weeks ago.. a little at a time with cardio first, followed by weightlifting built in more and more each week. My work outs are now flipped from 10 years ago with cardio making up about 1/3rd of it and the rest strength training.
Next came my diet. Breakfast is what you see above when I initially started working out but if I am going to build muscle, this won’t work. I wasn’t getting much out of it. I have now turned my focus to proteins and building those in where I can. The cold brew now contains protein (it was initially difficult for me to wrap my brain around adding calories to my coffee). I now put together a breakfast bowl of a cup of hashbrowns, an egg, and something lean like venison to create a balance of protein, carbs, and healthy fats. I have been also trying a lot of new recipes and foods for lunch and dinner and will likely share some here as I continue my journey.
I think what I am really hoping to articulate is that I have not done anything super special. I have not joined any groups, hired a personal trainer, bought expensive special supplements aside from my protein powder (not expensive – from Walmart) and making sure I take daily vitamins. I have not gone all in from day #1 as I used to be able to do in the past when I was in my 20’s and I had more time (and energy) to just focus on myself. I have eased into a new way of going about my day and it is becoming my new normal.
Most important of all, I am doing this for me. Yes, I love watching as my 4.5-year-old son comes to hang out with me and “work out” alongside me. He is my biggest cheerleader and I hope he is viewing how important it is that we take care of the body that we have. I love sitting with him in the quiet of our living room on Saturday morning– me with my protein coffee and he with his “coffee” (actually milk) in his little yellow mug– just the two of us, chatting about the start of our day. I love all of that but at the end of the day, through some of these moments in life, I have found the hardest person for me to love has been me and yet, it’s one of the most important things I can do.
Freeing Kate 