I just want to be a good person. I just want to have an impact on this world.. even if only in my little world. When the anger and the ugliness of the events around me touch the surface of my life, every now and then unsettledness stirs within me, it permeates my day. None of it matters. I can’t change the belief system of someone else through a well thought out facebook comment. I don’t even want to. I can argue and shift and argue some more. None of it matters. When I am gone, no one will remember the things that I believed in. They will only remember the things that I did.
Author: lacylynnette
Maybe it’s enough.
When I was 20, I used to walk to work every day. My dad worked construction, and every day I would walk by his work site on my way to work and if I didn’t see him, I’d spot his car. Somehow it was comforting. I was walking from my first apartment to my new job, saving up for my first car. I was on my own, I was safe, and walking by that site every day only added to the familiarity and the first feeling of home in many years. I needed that, I needed him.
This year, I turned 29. I didn’t hear much from my dad but I think that I am realizing that it is alright. This past year has been one of growth in a lot of ways. Growing up, my dad really wasn’t there for me in a lot of ways but I grew up to understand him and all that he couldn’t really give. That year that I was 20 was the year that he turned up on my doorstep. We started to get coffee.. A lot. We talked about my hopes, my dreams, my fears.. good days and bad days. He listened through it all. Some days, he still let me down but that was alright, he was giving me something that he’d never given before. He was listening.
I haven’t seen much of my dad this year. I miss him. This last visit with him he talked a lot about politics and baseball. He didn’t ask very many questions and I realized then what he had clearly already come to understand—that I don’t need him anymore—not in the way that I used to. Through everything, I have been alright and there are others who need him more. He said it during one of our phone conversations last year, “I always knew that I would never have to worry about you.” And maybe, that is enough. To know that for the man who has given everything of himself to everyone around him, I have never given a single sleepless night.
Old soul
Twins
“As you women know, laughter and crying are twins.. The men will think we’re crazy … we are … but it’s that craziness that evolves into compassion. We wear our hearts on our sleeves.”
What I know
I woke up last night and you weren’t next to me. So I began to search for you.. the office, the spare room, upstairs. I couldn’t find you and in my half asleep state, I had this thought that you were gone for good. To where? I didn’t know. But I thought you were gone. I hurried downstairs thinking I’d look in the garage next, maybe your car would be gone. I would worry, I would text, you would ask that I please leave you alone. We’d argued, I’d cried, and you were angry. This was it. I had it all figured out… and then I saw you, coming from the basement. You were downstairs doing laundry.
And that’s what I know. That has been my reality. Sometimes you lay your head down on an unfamiliar pillow in some unfamiliar hotel room in a random city of a random state and you wake up and you’re suddenly alone because you’re only connection to family tiptoed out the door while you were sleeping. In the anger and the ice cold of the moment I see it, happening all over again. It’s the fear that runs through my head..As your downstairs separating darks from lights.
Ten.
It can take 10 people through out your life to give you an understanding that your feelings aren’t important or valid. 10 people to make you realize that you’re on your own in the darkest of moments or even simply the smallest of struggles. It can take 10 people to make you feel as though you’re alone. But it only takes 1 to change all of that. I wish there were more of just that 1 person in the world.
Home sweet home
I’m washing dishes while pasta is cooking on the stove. One dog is at my feet while the other is staring out the door at a man who is making brats on the grill while simultaneously working on his car. Sweet Home Alabama is playing on the radio. All I’m thinking is… what a beautiful life ♡
– Theodore Roosevelt
A note from one woman to another..
I was reading an article about women yesterday and ran across a comment left by a woman below the article:
“As a woman you are lucky to have one TRUE friend in your lifetime. Women are just brutal towards one another.”
It struck me, hard, as I thought about my own difficulties in highschool and fitting in. I was the nerd in highschool, the bookworm, the one who spent my free time singing in multiple choirs and attending Spanish club. I struggled to relate with a lot of the girls around me at my highschool.. some of it due to our differences and some of it most likely related to the fact that I’d grown up with three bothers and a not a sister in sight. I was the girl wearing her brother’s hand-me-down Batman Forever shorts who hadn’t brushed her hair in over three weeks. I was that girl and I didn’t care if anyone else liked it. I barely even noticed.
Fast forward to my young adulthood—as my circle of friends changed and expanded, I came across an ugly reality—women can be deeply hurtful to each other and very cutting. As I moved through the dating realm, I discovered that men rarely made me feel ugly or insecure about my body but there were many women who did. What was even more surprising was that many of these women were of the age where they could be my mother. Why did they think this was okay?
Some women seem to fall into the belief that when they make these remarks, they are simply being “helpful” or maybe playing the part of the concerned mother figure. As far as young women my age go, insecurities seem to play out more quietly. There may be whispers among friends or comments that have a deeper more cutting meaning that you almost have to look for to find it.
It all comes down to this—the circle of friends you choose to place around yourself. Male or female, negativity and an ugly spirit can be found in anyone so you must then choose to remove yourself from that kind of energy.
I have been blessed to find a few amazing women in life. As a woman whose mother has not been a part of her life for many years, it has truly been a beautiful feeling to find further empowerment through some truly awesome ladies. I have learned to be discerning in my friendships when it comes to my close circle. I have chosen them in life and they have chosen me and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I am also blessed to know some pretty amazing men and lucky enough to be spending time with one of them this weekend. My dad.
Project a little sunlight into the life of someone else around you today– you may never know who badly needs it. Have a beautiful weekend, everyone ❤
Those who deserve it
Don’t sell yourself short.
Freeing Kate 