Month: March 2016

Home sweet home

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I’m washing dishes while pasta is cooking on the stove.  One dog is at my feet while the other is staring out the door at a man who is making brats on the grill while simultaneously working on his car.  Sweet Home Alabama is playing on the radio. All I’m thinking is… what a beautiful life ♡

A note from one woman to another..

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I was reading an article about women yesterday and ran across a comment left by a woman below the article:

“As a woman you are lucky to have one TRUE friend in your lifetime. Women are just brutal towards one another.”

It struck me, hard, as I thought about my own difficulties in highschool and fitting in. I was the nerd in highschool, the bookworm, the one who spent my free time singing in multiple choirs and attending Spanish club. I struggled to relate with a lot of the girls around me at my highschool.. some of it due to our differences and some of it most likely related to the fact that I’d grown up with three bothers and a not a sister in sight. I was the girl wearing her brother’s hand-me-down Batman Forever shorts who hadn’t brushed her hair in over three weeks. I was that girl and I didn’t care if anyone else liked it. I barely even noticed.

Fast forward to my young adulthood—as my circle of friends changed and expanded, I came across an ugly reality—women can be deeply hurtful to each other and very cutting. As I moved through the dating realm, I discovered that men rarely made me feel ugly or insecure about my body but there were many women who did. What was even more surprising was that many of these women were of the age where they could be my mother. Why did they think this was okay?

Some women seem to fall into the belief that when they make these remarks, they are simply being “helpful” or maybe playing the part of the concerned mother figure. As far as young women my age go, insecurities seem to play out more quietly. There may be whispers among friends or comments that have a deeper more cutting meaning that you almost have to look for to find it.

It all comes down to this—the circle of friends you choose to place around yourself. Male or female, negativity and an ugly spirit can be found in anyone so you must then choose to remove yourself from that kind of energy.

I have been blessed to find a few amazing women in life. As a woman whose mother has not been a part of her life for many years, it has truly been a beautiful feeling to find further empowerment through some truly awesome ladies. I have learned to be discerning in my friendships when it comes to my close circle. I have chosen them in life and they have chosen me and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am also blessed to know some pretty amazing men and lucky enough to be spending time with one of them this weekend. My dad.

Project a little sunlight into the life of someone else around you today– you may never know who badly needs it. Have a beautiful weekend, everyone ❤

People

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In life, you figure out who your people are- both in your best times and your worst times. Sometimes I think you discover it even more so in your best times because they are the ones cheering you on through the beautiful moments. You’ll see them there and they will lift you up in your brightest moments and be a part of what makes you feel so blessed, because you have or will do the same for them.

There will be those who come and go through life, but your people are the ones who remain– through it all. Feel blessed if you have people. This journey wouldn’t be the same without them.

Outside the box.

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Twenty seven… I was twenty seven years old and still I had never opened my heart to someone who might break it. I had never even opened my hand to allow in some else’s much less something breakable. Who does that? Mostly those who get hurt and sometimes those who get lucky. At twenty seven, I am independent, I am strong, and I don’t believe in love. Love is fleeting. Love almost certainly goes away in time. I don’t need fleeting. I don’t need love.

And then enters a man who takes everything that I know and turns it upside down. He talks to me; I don’t look at his face. He texts me; I (intentionally) wait an hour to reply. He tells me he’s taking my wall down; I don’t believe him. I have a whole lifetime of research to refer to. He’ll be gone in twenty minutes. No worries here.

But he just keeps coming back, again and again. He doesn’t stopping looking at me, he doesn’t stop texting and he doesn’t go away. Who is this person? More importantly– why the fuck me?

It took so long for me to realize what kind of box I’d placed myself in. I’d spent a good deal of time in my late teens/ early twenties telling myself just how strong I was, and how brave. Look at me! I don’t need a single soul to get by. I have come back from the bottom, taken nothing and made it something amazing. Yes– and yet, here I was in the crappy little box I’d placed myself in and marked in big black letters: DAMAGED. Powerful and strong for me and those who needed me. Too damaged for those who wanted me. I was selling myself and the possibilities so short and mostly due to a fear of failure. I didn’t want to try and then fail so I just didn’t try at all. But not this time. Not with this one.

It’s over nine months later and I’ve not only let him through my wall but so deeply into my life. We laugh, argue, cry (that one’s all me), we kiss and we make up and I’ve only recently stopped looking for him to walk out the door and out of my life. It’s a process. It’s not easy. It never could be. But he makes easier. And that’s all I’ve ever needed.